Mbu turned toward me. "Hey, mouth breather. What's your brilliant plan now?" It was getting dark. We had run away from that crazy town. We didn't even know it's name. All of a sudden there was some commotion in the brush on the side of the road.
"Holy Krizmak!" I yelled, hiding behind my best friend. A figure emerged from the bushes. This ugly creature only had one arm. We looked at each other and then took off running down the road.
"Shinies! It's me!" came a voice from behind us. We slowed down and slowly came to a halt and risked a glance behind us. The one-armed figure was walking toward us, yelling. Since it was talking, we thought maybe we could see if it was someone who needed our help.
"Dude, it's that old lady from Crazy Town. I thought she was dead, man!"
"I most certainly am not dead, you chicken shit son's of bitches." It was Helen Hiawatha. She was alive!
"How the hell did you survive that zombie chomping on your fingers?" I asked.
"When I was in the Navy, I lost an arm in a skiing accident. That got me a medical discharge and a lot of medical benefits. I thought I was going to evade that damn zombie. I guess I zigged when I shoulda zagged. I've always been a learn things the hard way kinda gal. You witnessed the unfortunate demise of my prosthetic arm. That's why I look so silly right now. That which doesn't kill you or make you stronger can sure make you look like an idiot."
"This is all fun and interesting, but those zombies are still back there coming for us," mentioned Mbu.
We continued our trek in the direction of Marble Cliffs.
"Hey, mouth breather, remember when we were kids and you called me Mad Mud and you were Bad Bud? We were weird back then," reminisced Mbu.
"Yeah, we were weird. The bullies sure thought so. Remember that guy who was twisting my arm wanting me to say uncle? You came and kicked him in the nuts?"
Helen was impressed. "That's a friend. You know, someone wins when you say 'uncle' not by breaking your arm. It's your will he wants to break, not your arm."
"Well, I haven't always been innocent of childhood meanness. Remember that day we had a picnic at Marble Cliffs Lake with all those Asian families after church? There was that kid who thought he could catch 600 sharks with a twig and a piece of string."
"Oh yeah, we were all making fun of him. He didn't even have a hook or bait."
"Well, I saw him crying later that day. I thought it was because we were making fun of him. My mom told me that he had an inoperable brain tumor. He had less than six months to live. He was crying because he had gotten a headache. I felt so bad."
"Oh my God. I had no idea. I feel terrible!" I said.
"Yeah. He was eight years old. I wish I could go back and let him live his whole life believing he can catch sharks with a twig. I think about that whenever I pass by the lake."
I wanted to help cheer Mbu up, but I myself am socially inept so I opened up my mouth and, "Remember that one Halloween when you dressed like Anubis and I was Hermes. We called it the Night of Anubis."
Helen looked at me like I was Hermes. "Uh, you lost me at hello."
"Well, maybe that's cuz I wasn't talking to you," I said like a petulant two-year old.
Mbu elbowed me in the ribs and pointed to a sign up ahead down the road. It very clearly stated, 'Marble Cliffs 7 miles'.
"Holy Krizmak! We're almost there!"
"Is that the god of the Shinies?" asked Helen.
"What the? No! It started out as holy crap, then became holy crizzap, then somehow morphed into holy krizmak. It's just something I say when I'm excited."
"Again, you lost me at hello, and this time you were talking to me, you Shiny asshole."
"Myeh myeh myeh. You know, that's as funny as a two-legged moron," was my socially inept retort.
"Will you two just keep walking?"
We did. And before long we started seeing familiar landmarks. All in all though, the place was a ghost town. Luckily we hadn't bumped into any zombies, but the occasional tumble weed had us cowering every time. We decided we needed a place to sleep for the night.
"How about McGee Cemetery?" asked Mbu.
"What the? Are you out of your mind? It'll be a three dog night in hell before I sleep in a cemetery in the middle of a zombie outbreak."
"Okay, did you put any thought into your response to my suggestion or are you just being chicken shit?"
"D, none of the above."
"Alright then, let me break it down so that even you can understand. Imagine you're a dead guy looking for living human flesh to consume. Do you think a cemetery is the first place you'd think of to go to so that you can scare up some grub?"
I was beginning to see the logic in his plan, darn it. "Yeah yeah, you wouldn't go to New Orleans for their sushi or to Korea for their banana splits."
"And I wouldn't go to you for intelligent conversation," dug in Helen.
So it was decided that we'd hole up at the local cemetery for the night. We each picked a spot in the cemetery to lay our weary heads to rest. I noticed that all the graves had flowers except for one. Always rooting for the underdog, that's the spot I chose. It was the grave of Sierra Dophlet.
That night I had a dream in which I saw a young lady in black. I approached her. "Hello, my name is Hewlett Fen-Chang," I said.
"I'm Sierra Dophlet."
"Hey, wait a minute. Didn't they name the hospital after you?"
"What hospital?" Sierra asked.
"Oh yeah, that too. I guess that was after your time. How did you die? I mean is that a sensitive subject like asking a woman her age or a moron his IQ?"
"No. I'm okay telling you. Years ago there was a guy named Brian Bexton who moved into a house by a field. That house used to be my house and that field used to be my dad's. I am the daughter of Clifford McGee. He was one of the first settlers here in this town."
Like a moron I was about to ask if he was the one they named the cemetery after, but I caught myself in time. Asking the same stupid question twice in one night would just be embarrassing even for me.
"The field was my father's farm land, but with no rain, the crops failed. My mother left my father and moved me and her back to Tucson where we are originally from. I ran away from my mother to come back here, but my father had died while we were gone. I stayed in a small cabin by the field which had become known as the Field of Treachery.
"Brian Bexton and I were friends because he used to work for my father. Brian had always wanted to see cranes. They always flew over head, but would never land because there was no water. The townsfolk thought he was crazy to think a crane would ever come here to Marble Cliffs."
I had a question. "Why do they call this place Marble Cliffs anyway?"
"I found out when I moved back to town that my father had discovered copper when he was digging in his field one day. Him and a fellow named Chargood Johnson made a copper mill by the field. My father's name was Clifford, but they called him Marble Cliff because he had a glass eye. Apparently, the Johnson McGee Copper Mill brought enough prosperity to this town to put it on the map. When he died, they named the town after him.
"So anyway, I wanted to help Brian Bexton achieve his dream of seeing a crane up close. I decided to flood the field. Late one night I grabbed a bucket and went to the river. I kept bringing buckets of water to the field in hopes of making a small pond for cranes to land in. In the dark, I slipped in some mud, fell and hit my head on a rock. That's how I died.
"Brian saw what I was doing and was inspired to continue it. The whole town was touched by my story and helped him. The day of my funeral, there was an entire lake on what used to be a barren field. Brian eulogized me and at the end of his speech, a crane landed in the water. That was my gift to him."
"You're talking about Marble Cliff's Lake! It's still there and so is the Johnson McGee Copper Mill. Gosh, you know, you've got hospitals named after you and lakes that you've built. I don't have anything to show for my life. As a matter of fact, I always feel like everyone's smarter than I am. I just want to help people feel good about themselves, you know?"
"Well, do you know what you could do for me, Helwett?" Sierra asked.
"Me? No."
"You see that headstone with my name on it?"
"The unflowered grave?"
"It doesn't have to stay that way. I noticed how you chose this spot as a place to sleep."
We hugged and I awoke. It was morning and it was time for the three of us to leave. We walked into a nearby neighborhood. On a sidewalk, there was a sign that said, 'Found Mattress'.
"Yeah, found mattress. If you want to go reclaim your lost mattress, they'll return it to you but only if you can make it come to you. 'Here boy. Come here, my good boy'," I said. Nobody laughed.
We found a house that was abandoned. We went inside to see if we could find any food and hopefully a radio so that we could find out where the safe haven was. Luckily, we found both. Unluckily, the radio said the nearest safe haven was in Yuma. We left the house with back packs full of as much food and as many supplies as we could carry. On our way out of town, we happened upon a zombie walking around aimlessly holding a broomstick.
Mbu shook his head. "Miles to go before I sweep. Yep. I know how you feel, buddy."
"Well you Shinies better take me to your mother ship soon. I'm old. I wanna see the heavens," said Helen.
I wanted to tell her we weren't really aliens, but I remembered that little boy who thought he could catch sharks with a twig. I decided I'd let her live the rest of her life believing she'd met aliens who were taking her to the mother ship so that she could see the heavens.
"Holy Krizmak!" I yelled, hiding behind my best friend. A figure emerged from the bushes. This ugly creature only had one arm. We looked at each other and then took off running down the road.
"Shinies! It's me!" came a voice from behind us. We slowed down and slowly came to a halt and risked a glance behind us. The one-armed figure was walking toward us, yelling. Since it was talking, we thought maybe we could see if it was someone who needed our help.
"Dude, it's that old lady from Crazy Town. I thought she was dead, man!"
"I most certainly am not dead, you chicken shit son's of bitches." It was Helen Hiawatha. She was alive!
"How the hell did you survive that zombie chomping on your fingers?" I asked.
"When I was in the Navy, I lost an arm in a skiing accident. That got me a medical discharge and a lot of medical benefits. I thought I was going to evade that damn zombie. I guess I zigged when I shoulda zagged. I've always been a learn things the hard way kinda gal. You witnessed the unfortunate demise of my prosthetic arm. That's why I look so silly right now. That which doesn't kill you or make you stronger can sure make you look like an idiot."
"This is all fun and interesting, but those zombies are still back there coming for us," mentioned Mbu.
We continued our trek in the direction of Marble Cliffs.
"Hey, mouth breather, remember when we were kids and you called me Mad Mud and you were Bad Bud? We were weird back then," reminisced Mbu.
"Yeah, we were weird. The bullies sure thought so. Remember that guy who was twisting my arm wanting me to say uncle? You came and kicked him in the nuts?"
Helen was impressed. "That's a friend. You know, someone wins when you say 'uncle' not by breaking your arm. It's your will he wants to break, not your arm."
"Well, I haven't always been innocent of childhood meanness. Remember that day we had a picnic at Marble Cliffs Lake with all those Asian families after church? There was that kid who thought he could catch 600 sharks with a twig and a piece of string."
"Oh yeah, we were all making fun of him. He didn't even have a hook or bait."
"Well, I saw him crying later that day. I thought it was because we were making fun of him. My mom told me that he had an inoperable brain tumor. He had less than six months to live. He was crying because he had gotten a headache. I felt so bad."
"Oh my God. I had no idea. I feel terrible!" I said.
"Yeah. He was eight years old. I wish I could go back and let him live his whole life believing he can catch sharks with a twig. I think about that whenever I pass by the lake."
I wanted to help cheer Mbu up, but I myself am socially inept so I opened up my mouth and, "Remember that one Halloween when you dressed like Anubis and I was Hermes. We called it the Night of Anubis."
Helen looked at me like I was Hermes. "Uh, you lost me at hello."
"Well, maybe that's cuz I wasn't talking to you," I said like a petulant two-year old.
Mbu elbowed me in the ribs and pointed to a sign up ahead down the road. It very clearly stated, 'Marble Cliffs 7 miles'.
"Holy Krizmak! We're almost there!"
"Is that the god of the Shinies?" asked Helen.
"What the? No! It started out as holy crap, then became holy crizzap, then somehow morphed into holy krizmak. It's just something I say when I'm excited."
"Again, you lost me at hello, and this time you were talking to me, you Shiny asshole."
"Myeh myeh myeh. You know, that's as funny as a two-legged moron," was my socially inept retort.
"Will you two just keep walking?"
We did. And before long we started seeing familiar landmarks. All in all though, the place was a ghost town. Luckily we hadn't bumped into any zombies, but the occasional tumble weed had us cowering every time. We decided we needed a place to sleep for the night.
"How about McGee Cemetery?" asked Mbu.
"What the? Are you out of your mind? It'll be a three dog night in hell before I sleep in a cemetery in the middle of a zombie outbreak."
"Okay, did you put any thought into your response to my suggestion or are you just being chicken shit?"
"D, none of the above."
"Alright then, let me break it down so that even you can understand. Imagine you're a dead guy looking for living human flesh to consume. Do you think a cemetery is the first place you'd think of to go to so that you can scare up some grub?"
I was beginning to see the logic in his plan, darn it. "Yeah yeah, you wouldn't go to New Orleans for their sushi or to Korea for their banana splits."
"And I wouldn't go to you for intelligent conversation," dug in Helen.
So it was decided that we'd hole up at the local cemetery for the night. We each picked a spot in the cemetery to lay our weary heads to rest. I noticed that all the graves had flowers except for one. Always rooting for the underdog, that's the spot I chose. It was the grave of Sierra Dophlet.
That night I had a dream in which I saw a young lady in black. I approached her. "Hello, my name is Hewlett Fen-Chang," I said.
"I'm Sierra Dophlet."
"Hey, wait a minute. Didn't they name the hospital after you?"
"What hospital?" Sierra asked.
"Oh yeah, that too. I guess that was after your time. How did you die? I mean is that a sensitive subject like asking a woman her age or a moron his IQ?"
"No. I'm okay telling you. Years ago there was a guy named Brian Bexton who moved into a house by a field. That house used to be my house and that field used to be my dad's. I am the daughter of Clifford McGee. He was one of the first settlers here in this town."
Like a moron I was about to ask if he was the one they named the cemetery after, but I caught myself in time. Asking the same stupid question twice in one night would just be embarrassing even for me.
"The field was my father's farm land, but with no rain, the crops failed. My mother left my father and moved me and her back to Tucson where we are originally from. I ran away from my mother to come back here, but my father had died while we were gone. I stayed in a small cabin by the field which had become known as the Field of Treachery.
"Brian Bexton and I were friends because he used to work for my father. Brian had always wanted to see cranes. They always flew over head, but would never land because there was no water. The townsfolk thought he was crazy to think a crane would ever come here to Marble Cliffs."
I had a question. "Why do they call this place Marble Cliffs anyway?"
"I found out when I moved back to town that my father had discovered copper when he was digging in his field one day. Him and a fellow named Chargood Johnson made a copper mill by the field. My father's name was Clifford, but they called him Marble Cliff because he had a glass eye. Apparently, the Johnson McGee Copper Mill brought enough prosperity to this town to put it on the map. When he died, they named the town after him.
"So anyway, I wanted to help Brian Bexton achieve his dream of seeing a crane up close. I decided to flood the field. Late one night I grabbed a bucket and went to the river. I kept bringing buckets of water to the field in hopes of making a small pond for cranes to land in. In the dark, I slipped in some mud, fell and hit my head on a rock. That's how I died.
"Brian saw what I was doing and was inspired to continue it. The whole town was touched by my story and helped him. The day of my funeral, there was an entire lake on what used to be a barren field. Brian eulogized me and at the end of his speech, a crane landed in the water. That was my gift to him."
"You're talking about Marble Cliff's Lake! It's still there and so is the Johnson McGee Copper Mill. Gosh, you know, you've got hospitals named after you and lakes that you've built. I don't have anything to show for my life. As a matter of fact, I always feel like everyone's smarter than I am. I just want to help people feel good about themselves, you know?"
"Well, do you know what you could do for me, Helwett?" Sierra asked.
"Me? No."
"You see that headstone with my name on it?"
"The unflowered grave?"
"It doesn't have to stay that way. I noticed how you chose this spot as a place to sleep."
We hugged and I awoke. It was morning and it was time for the three of us to leave. We walked into a nearby neighborhood. On a sidewalk, there was a sign that said, 'Found Mattress'.
"Yeah, found mattress. If you want to go reclaim your lost mattress, they'll return it to you but only if you can make it come to you. 'Here boy. Come here, my good boy'," I said. Nobody laughed.
We found a house that was abandoned. We went inside to see if we could find any food and hopefully a radio so that we could find out where the safe haven was. Luckily, we found both. Unluckily, the radio said the nearest safe haven was in Yuma. We left the house with back packs full of as much food and as many supplies as we could carry. On our way out of town, we happened upon a zombie walking around aimlessly holding a broomstick.
Mbu shook his head. "Miles to go before I sweep. Yep. I know how you feel, buddy."
"Well you Shinies better take me to your mother ship soon. I'm old. I wanna see the heavens," said Helen.
I wanted to tell her we weren't really aliens, but I remembered that little boy who thought he could catch sharks with a twig. I decided I'd let her live the rest of her life believing she'd met aliens who were taking her to the mother ship so that she could see the heavens.
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