2/18/09

  This is an entry from a diary I used to keep.  It's from the day I found out my grandmother died.

2/18/09

I've made a tremendous breakthrough tonight.  I realize that I thoroughly and completely hate my grandmother on my mom's side.  True progress.  I'm glad she didn't get to see me for several years before she died.  I hope she died utterly alone and knowing that that's all she was worth and she deserved it.  I hope she's burning in Hell with the eternal flames torturing her soul forever.  I hope she relives her lonely death and all the pain from her life every day for eternity.  I will hold the hand of Christ and laugh straight in her face and spit on her.  I'm sorry it wasn't me who killed her.  I hope she doesn't come to see me when I die.  I hate the fuck out of her.  She deserves every ounce of pain she's ever felt and infinitely more.  Boy it feels great to finally get this out.  At last, I no longer feel completely indifferent about her.  The next step in the path toward loving her will be dealing with my anger toward her.  Then, once I've allowed myself to express everything I should have expressed while she was alive, I will finally get to a place where I can forgive her.  And then I will love her.

Dutch and the Zone Warp

  This is part 3 of the fan fiction series.  I added all kinds of characters in this one.

Dutch and the Zone Warp

Garth: "Einstein is barking.  This can't be good."
Wayne: "Has that dog gone mental?  The leader of the Dark Side is now on our side.  There's nothing to bark about.  Shut up, you dumb mutt!"
Suddenly a bright blue flash of light startles the whole group.
Paul: "Guess who just arrived."
Everybody: "Who?"
Paul: "The Brown family."
Doc: "Clara?"
Paul: "Yeah, and Jules and Vern."
Clara: "Hello, everybody!  I'm so glad to be back!  How have you all been?"
Doc: "We've all been fine.  When have you been?"
Clara: "We've been all over the timeline."
Doc: "Come here, boys.  Let me look at you."
Jules and Vern: "It's great seeing you again, dad."
Virginia: "Wayne, we need to talk."
Wayne: "Sure, babe.  What's on your mind?"
Virginia: "It's our kids.  Raising triplets isn't easy and this environment doesn't help."
Wayne: "I understand that, but what do you want to do?"
Virginia: "Jennifer, Tanya and Allison should be raised the way I was raised."
Wayne: "By a Terminator?"
Virginia: "I know how it must sound, but think about it.  If they are as old as we are, they can be a big help to the Rebels."
Wayne: "I guess since you've had more experience with this subject, I should listen to you."
Virginia: "And besides, we have to start repopulating this planet."
Wayne: "I just had an idea.  Why don't we start repopulating this planet?"
Virginia: "That's what I just said.  If each of them was with one of the single soldiers in the Rebel, they could have kids who can then have their own kids."
Wayne: "Whoa.  You're blowing this way out of proportion.  Let's go through with this little bit first and then worry about what happens next."
Luke: "Unidentified flying object spotted.  It's flying toward the Cyberdyne ruins."

Meanwhile, at the place where Cyberdyne once stood, the space craft lands.  Aboard it is an alien species.  It's the Predators.  They immediately start going toward the Rebel Base.
John: "Those are the Predators.  They haven't come here since the year 1997."
Marty: "They were also here in 1987."
Bill: "Now what?"
Ted: "Paul, who do we bring back now?"
Darth Vader: "Yes, Paul, who do we bring back?  May the Force be with him."
Paul: "Dutch, of course.  He killed a Predator in 1987.  He can do it again in 2031."
John: "Dutch and we'll need another person for spy missions.  Luke can't spy all by himself."
Luke: "Yeah, Paul, who can help me spying?"
Paul: "How about Killroy?"
John: "Killroy?  OK.  Marty, go get Dutch.  Bill and Ted, go get Killroy."
Ted: "You mean, 'Killroy was here' Killroy?"
John: "How many Killroys do you know?"
Garth: "Can I go with Marty to get Dutch?"
John: "Sure, Garth."
Wayne: "We only have two Terminators.  Will they be able to take care of all our kids?"
Virginia: "Yes, but I want us to stay here to greet them.  Paul, can you take them to the year 2004?"
Paul: "Sure thing, Virginia."
Wayne: "Honey, I shrunk the kids."
Virginia: "Quit fooling around, Wayne!  Regrow them."
Paul took the triplets and the Terminators to 2004.  In 2031, three fully grown, but identical women appear.
Terminators: "Hasta la vista, babies."
Just then, Paul comes back from 2004.
Wayne: "Virginia, look at them!  We've got three beautiful daughters!"
Virginia: "You're right, Wayne.  Wow, thank you Paul!"
Paul: "Which is which?"
Jennifer: "I'm Jennifer Dare-Campbell."
Tanya: "I'm Tanya Dare-Campbell."
Allison: "I'm Allison Dare-Campbell."
Across the room from each other, Tanya and Paul made eyes at each other.  Just then a blue flash of light appears.  Bill and Ted have just arrived with Killroy.
Jennifer: "Cute blond."
Allison: "Cute mop top."
Bill: "Well hello, this is a pleasant surprise."
Jennifer: "I'm Jennifer."
Bill: "Excellent!  I'm Bill S. Preston Esquire."
Allison: "Hi, I'm Allison."
Ted: "I'm Ted Theodore Logan."
Killroy: "What am I, chopped liver?"

Back in 1987
Garth: "Hey, Marty.  I lost my Hover Board owner's manual."
Marty: "Garth, you. . .where did you lose it?"
Garth: "I don't know.  We have to find it.  I'm not supposed to have invented it until the year 2011."
Marty: "I know I know."
Garth: "The cover was red with white letters."
Marty: "There's something red just beyond those trees."
They use Luke's lightsaber as a machete.
Garth: "That's it!"
They grab it but it's only the dust jacket.
Dutch: "Lose something?"
Marty and Garth: "Aaahhh!"
Dutch: "Who are you guys?  What is this?  Hover. . .Board?"
Marty uses the shrinker and shrinks Dutch.  Garth puts Dutch in a glass jar with holes poked in the lid.  They go back to the DeLorean where Einstein is waiting patiently for them.

Back in 2031
Doc: "It looks like Marty and Garth are back."
Dutch: "You guys are giants!  What happened?"
Killroy: "Who's the little guy?"
Garth regrows Dutch.
Dutch: "Now you guys are as small as I am.  Pick on someone your own size."
John: "We're all here now.  What do we do about the Predators?  They're still coming full speed."
Dutch: "Predators?  Where?  I'll kill them all!"
Luke: "You guys try to calm Dutch down.  Killroy and I will go spy on the alien spacecraft.  Killroy, stop writing 'Killroy was here' all over the place."
Killroy: "Fine, let's go."
John: "Dutch, you can't kill all the Predators by yourself."
Dutch: "Who are you?  How does everybody know my name?"
John explains everything to Dutch.
Darth Vader: "Son, good luck with the Predator spacecraft spy mission."
Luke: "Yes, father, I know.  May the force be with me."
John: "That's good advice, Uncle Luke."
Clara: "I have an idea."
Vern: "Let's hear it, mom."
Jules: "Yeah, what's on your mind, mom?"
Clara: "Why don't we send out the Terminators to slow down the Predators.  How many of them did you say there were?"
John: "There are exactly seven, Mrs. Brown."
Clara: "Two Terminators and seven Predators."
Dutch: "You know, those Terminators look a lot like me."
John: "I can explain that.  Before Judgment Day, when humans ran Cyberdyne, they started looking for a prototype for their T-800 Infiltration Units.  They found a photo of a missing person by the name of Dutch.  His profile perfectly matched the endoskeletons that they had already made.  The metal skeletons needed skin so that they could blend in with the human population."
Dutch: "Cyber what?  What is this?  This is like some science fiction movie.  What year is this?"
John: "You are in the year 2031."

At the Predator spacecraft
Luke: "See, Killroy?  We're all in this together.  The Rebels.  We're a team.  We also happen to be the last humans on Earth."
Killroy: "I'm surprised Earth is still around with all these stories you tell me."
Luke: "This ship is huge!  How do we get inside?"
Killroy: "Now remember, we have to assume that there are more of these Predator things inside."
Just then the ship lifts off and flies away.
Luke: "What was that for?"
Killroy: "Look on the bright side.  Now all we have to deal with are the seven Predators here on Earth."
The Terminators manage to kill three Predators and badly injure one.  The injured one sets off its self-destruct mode on its arm computer.  It explodes and burns off the Terminator's skin.  The other Predators are killed in the explosion.  Everyone at the Rebel Base sees the flash and cheer.  Luke and Killroy start running toward the Rebel Base.  The Terminators join them.  Then everyone is back safely at the base.
Garth: "John, can I have the Terminator endoskeletons?"
John: "Sure, why?"
Garth: "You'll see."
Bill and Ted take Dutch back to 1987.  Killroy wants to stay with the Rebels.  Garth comes back with two Terminators that look just like him on steroids.
Paul: "You're crazy, Garth."
John: "Garth, you little joker.  We need to talk."
Hans and Franz:  "We're not here to talk.  We're here to pump you up!"

The Dash

  This poem came about when I was in high school.  The idea came to me by reading an interview of Mike Tyson in a magazine.

The Dash

From the year you were born
to the year you will die
That's the dash on your stone
make a dash for your life
Enigmatic, it's placed
from a year to a year
Years determined by fate
until death do us fear
What the dash represents
are the things you have done
No two dashes the same
yet alike every one

Beneath the Mask

  This was back in high school.  I must have been depressed.  I was also listening to a lot of Carcass.

Beneath the Mask

Here's a story of a boy who's in his teens
Smiling, happy.  Or, at least, that's how it seems
Though laughing, what he really needs is help
But, in our nescience, we ignore and laugh ourselves
The smile he puts on for the world to see
Is a front he keeps in longanimity
But doing so is internecine
Hurting us while it is killing him
Constantly disappearing dreams and hopes
Maketh him to denigrate our own wardrobes
The day we saw what hid beneath the mask
That was the day that was to be his last
There's no more need to suffer in denial
We all have to wear black once in a while
Through his life he was always so quiet
Crying inside, there's no way to deny it
Now he's in a small be while we weep
Looking so natural like he's asleep

Nothing More Than Nothing

  I don't remember being particularly religious growing up so I don't know where this poem arose from.

Nothing More Than Nothing

Earthly things on Earth do stay
when you're to Heaven sent
These things again you'll never have
in the end
Eternal life with happiness and joy
with God is spent
Your destiny determined by your days on Earth
Amen

First Love

  Everyone has their little puppy love at school.  This is just one of countless poems about mine.  Boy, I was a sap.  Cheesy cheesy cheesy!

First Love

I first met this first love of mine
In Drama class, but at the time
I was to her another nerd
Her heart just had its vision blurred
She saw me not for what's inside
And judgment wasn't justified
The next year I said to myself
She'll be my friend if nothing else
I tried my hardest just to please
With roses, poems and other means
And I talked to her every day
Her smile was worth the price I paid
And now she loves me, loves me too
A friendly love, a love that's true
I won't forget the day she left
As pretty as the day we met
It rained the day that she flew out
It rained, but not just from the clouds
The crazy stuff I did for her
The love I had to suffer for
She left in peace, or so it seems
The end does justify the means

Dare and the Warp Zone

  This is part 2 in my seven-part series of stories involving characters from some of my favorite movies.  In this I changed formats a little in the story telling.  I also added new characters like Wayne and Garth from the movie Wayne's World.

Dare and the Warp Zone

Doc: "Einstein is barking like crazy."
Wayne: "Good call, Doc."
Luke: "Terminator, 11 O' clock."
Garth: "Ka-boom!!!"
Wayne: "He shoots, he scores!"
Everybody: "Excellent!"
Luke: "There's been a lot of Terminators roaming around lately.  Do you think my dad, I mean Darth Vader, survived the explosion at Cyberdyne?"
Wayne: "Shyeeeaahh!  And monkeys might fly out of my butt!"
Garth: "As if."
Bill: "We're back from our spy mission."
Ted: "Somehow, Darth Vader is still alive."
Bill: "Pretty bogus, huh?"
Wayne: "I think I'm gonna hurl."
Marty: "Any great ideas, Paul?"
John: "Yeah, who do we bring back from the past now?"
Paul: "How about Virginia Dare?"
Wayne: "Exsqueeze me?  Baking powder?  I believe you just told me you wanted to brink back a girl that disappeared at Roanoke in the 16th century."
Paul: "That's why she's perfect.  She never got to know the world so she'll bring with her fresh new ideas.  What do you think?"
Garth: "I would just have to say 'asphinctersayswhat'."
Paul: "What?"
Garth: "Exactly."
Paul: "All we have to do is send one person to save her from whatever fate befell the colonists of Roanoke, and another person to reacquire her at a later date."
Wayne: "Why don't we just bring her as a baby, to...how old do you want her to be?"
Paul: "Around twenty-five, I guess."
Wayne: "OK, 2029 minus 25 equals 2004.  We bring her to the year 2004 and she'll appear here at the age of 25.  It'll be easy."
Garth: "Not!"
Paul: "That could work.  What if she dies some time between 2004 and 2029?"
John: "We can get another Terminator, like the one we sent to 1994 to help me.  We just program it to protect her through the years."
Wayne: "That's do-able."
John: "That reminds me.  I'm really worried about my mom.  I want to go check up on her in the year 1984."
Marty: "Again?  Stop torturing yourself."
Doc: "You risk the chance of her seeing you."
Luke: "Besides, she's not a mission priority."
John: "Well, forget you, she's a priority to me!  I'm going to see my mom, Doc, and I order you to help me."
Doc: "We'll have to use Cyberdyne's time machine."
John: "I hate that.  You always end up naked."
Doc: "I have solved that problem.  I have a material shrinker.  It's a machine that can shrink and regrow anything.  If we shrink some clothes, we can hold them in our mouths and regrow them in the past.  The shrinker will also fit into your mouth."
John: "Sounds weird, but it might work."
Paul: "Bill, Ted, I need your help.  We're gonna go get Virginia dare from the year 1589."
Bill and Ted: "Excellent!"
Luke: "I'll get the Terminator from Cyberdyne and Marty and I can reprogram it.  After that, Wayne and Garth can take it and meet you in 2004."
Wayne and Garth: "We're not worthy!"
Marty: "OK, I'll take back the Terminator.  You two stay here and wait for all of us to come back."

In 1984
John: "There's my mom.  Doc, where are you?"
Doc: "I never thought about the saliva on the clothes.  It grew and is soaking me to the bone."
Sarah: "Excuse me, do you have the time?"
John: "Mom?  I mean, Sarah?  I mean, it's 10:36."
Sarah: "Do I know you?"
John: "Yeah, I think you know my mom."
Ginger: "Hey, Sarah, he's kind of cute.  Go for it."
Sarah: "Listen...what's your name again?"
John: "Bob!  I mean, my name is Bob."
Sarah: "Listen, Bob, you wanna catch a movie some time?"
John: "I'd better call you."
Doc: "Bob?"
John: "I don't know."
Doc: "Is it me, or does your mother have the hots for you?"
John: "This is heavy."
Doc: "Let me see that picture of your mother."
John: "The one where she's pregnant with me?"
Doc: "Yes, that one...It's just as I thought.  Look at the picture now, she's not pregnant."
John: "What does that mean?"
Doc: "It means she'll fall in love with you and she'll never meet your dad, Kyle Reese.  You will never be born and the world will end on Judgment Day."
John: "Well, the Terminator and my dad haven't been sent back yet.  If I can get my mom to forget about me before then, we'll be OK, right?"

Meanwhile, back in 1589
Paul: "I'll grab the baby.  You two get the phone booth ready for traveling to 2004."
Bill: "This is kidnapping!"
Paul: "She's gonna disappear anyway."

Back at Cyberdyne in 2029
Luke: "Hi, dad."
Darth Vader: "Luke, join me and we can rule the universe together, father and son."
Luke: "Dad, I came to get a Terminator, not to get some boring lecture about ruling the universe with you."

Back at the Rebel base
Marty: "Luke is taking way too long."
Wayne: "Good call, Marty."
Marty: "I'm gonna find him."
Garth: "No way!"
Marty: "Way!"
Wayne: "Go, then."
Marty: "I'm gone."
Wayne: "Then go."
Marty: "I am."
Marty gets into the DeLorean and starts driving towards Cyberdyne.  A T-1000 shapes his finger into a key and gets into the car.  It copies Marty's shape and hits him on the head, leaving him to crash in the car.  The T-1000/Marty goes to the Rebel Base.
T-1000/Marty: "Hi, Wayne.  Hi, Garth."
Wayne: "That was fast."
Just then, a car crashes through the wall and runs over the T-1000.  The real Marty is OK and just killed the T-1000.
Wayne: "We thought that was the real you."
Garth: "He would have killed us.  Thanks, Marty.  I love you."
Marty: "Yeah, I know."
Garth: "No, man, I love you."
Wayne: "Just say thanks."
Marty: "Thanks."

Back in 1984
John: "Doc, she invited me to a movie."
Doc: "Don't go.  Call her and tell her you can't go."
John: "OK."

After the phone call
Sarah: "That creep!  Bob cancelled our date."
Ginger: "I'm gonna be with my boyfriend.  Will you be OK?"
Sarah: "I'll just go to Tech Noir.  Besides, Buster still loves me.  Don't you?"
Ginger: "That's disgusting.  How can you kiss a lizard?"
John: "We have to find a way to get her to fall in love with Reese.  He's in town by now, right?"
Doc: "There she is.  She's coming out of her apartment.  Let's follow her."
John: "Why?"
Doc: "If we acquire the Terminator, we can program him to not kill Sarah, but to be killed by Reese."
John: "I don't quite follow."
Doc: "If Reese kills the Terminator and saves Sarah's life, then she'll fall in love with him."

At Tech Noir
Doc: "We're late."
John: "The Terminator is gonna blow her away!"
John uses the shrinker and shrinks the Terminator.
Sarah: "Bob!!  You saved my life!"
John: "Oh no."
Doc: "I'll get the Terminator.  You get your dad."
John: "Sarah, there's someone I want you to meet.  This is Kyle Reese."
Sarah: "Hi, Reese.  Bob, that was so cool, what you did."
Reese: "John, is that you?  What are you doing here?"
Sarah: "That's Bob.  He's here with me."

Back at Cyberdyne in 2029
Darth Vader: "Luke, you are almost a Jedi Knight."
Luke is hiding.  They are dueling with light sabers.
Darth Vader: "If you won't join me, maybe John will.  Sarah Connor is your twin sister."
Luke comes out and swings his light saber at Darth Vader.
Ching!!!
Luke: "So, I'm John's uncle?"
Ching!!!
Darth Vader: "Yes, you and Sarah were separated at birth.  Your real mother gets killed in 1984 by a Terminator.  Sarah dies before Judgment Day.  That's why you must join me to rule the universe."
Ching!!!
Luke: "Never!"
Ching!!!
Luke jumps out of a window and staggers back to base with a shrunken Terminator in his pocket.
Wayne: "OK, Marty, reprogram the Terminator and then take it to 2004."

In 2004
Blue flashes of light appear and then a DeLorean hovers and lands safely near the phone booth.
Paul: "OK, I hope this works out."
Bill, Ted, Paul and Marty go back to the future.  All of a sudden a lady and a Terminator appear.
Wayne: "She's a babe!  Schwing!"
Garth: "If she was a candy bar, she'd be Baby Ruth."
Wayne: "She will be mine.  Oh yes, she will be mine."
Terminator: "I need a vacation."
Bill: "I'm Bill S. Preston Esquire."
Ted: "I'm Ted Theodore Logan."
Wayne: "I'm Wayne Campbell."
Garth: "I'm Garth Algar."
All four: "And together we are Wyld Stallyns!"
Virginia: "Party on Wyld Stallyns!"
Wyld Stallyns: "Party on Virginia Dare."

Back in 1984
Doc: "I reprogrammed the Terminator to act dead and not kill Sarah.  We have to get Sarah to watch Reese kill the Terminator.  John, why don't you invite her to a movie.  At the movie, excuse yourself to get popcorn or something.  The Terminator will attack Sarah and Reese will shoot him and the Terminator will pretend to die.  We don't want to waste a perfectly good Terminator.  After that, we make sure the Sarah in the picture is pregnant before we go back to the future."

At the movie
John: "Sarah, I'm gonna go get some popcorn."
Sarah: "Come back soon, Bob."
John: "Doc, send in the Terminator."
Doc: "The projector broke down in the theater.  The lights are on.  It's too risky."
Theater Manager: "The people are going crazy in there!"
Konk!!!
Doc: "John, why'd you do that?"
John: "If I get his clothes and pretend to be the theater manager, I can keep Sarah in there long enough for Reese to shoot the Terminator."
John/Theater Manager: "It's going to be OK."
John is on the stage trying to calm the people down.
Terminator: "Sarah Connor."
On the stage, John realizes that his hand is disappearing.
Reese: "Hey, get your slimy paws off the girl."
Blam!!!  Reese shoots the Terminator.
Terminator: "I've fallen and I can't get up."
John runs off the stage and goes to Doc.
Doc: "She has to kiss him."
As if on cue, they kiss.
Doc: "Look at the picture.  She's pregnant!  Mission accomplished!  Let's go back to the future."

In 2029
Paul: "They're back!  We're all here now.  Let's go kick some robot butt!"

At Cyberdyne
Darth Vader: "I've set up another time bomb."
Virginia: "Wayne, we're all gonna die!  I hate you!"
Darth Vader: "The bomb goes off in ten seconds.  One, two, three, ten."
Boooom!!!
Darth Vader: "Virginia, I love you."
Virginia Vader: "I love you too."
Darth Vader: "You didn't really think she'd end up with Wayne, did you?"
Wayne: "As if.  As if we'd really end the story like that."
Garth: "Let's do the Scooby Doo ending."
Wayne: "That's do-able."
Paul: "They're back!  We're all here now.  Let's go kick some robot butt!"

At Cyberdyne
Wayne: "Let's see who the real Darth Vader is."
Everybody: "Rufus?!"
Ted: "We fired Rufus as our band manager."
Bill: "He was going to ruin Wyld Stallyns."
Rufus: "And I would have succeeded if it weren't for you meddling kids!"
Einstein: "Good going, Raggy!"
Garth: "Let's do the mega-happy ending."
Paul: "They're back!  We're all here now.  Let's go kick some robot butt!"

At Cyberdyne
Darth Vader: "I've set up a time bomb.  Let's get out."
Everybody: "Exsqueeze me?"
Darth Vader: "I'm joining the Rebels because I've learned that while having a mask and cape can get you far in this world, it can't get you friends."
Virginia: "I love you, Wayne."
Luke: "John, I'm your uncle."
John: "What?"
Luke: "Sarah and I are twins.  That makes you my nephew."
John: "That makes Darth Vader my grandfather."
Darth Vader: "I love you, John.  I love you, Luke."

Masokissed

  I have since heard other poems, songs and such about a relationship with a masochist, but I wrote this song before I ever had.

Masokissed

verse 1: When we met
You were upset
Your healthiness had brought you down
Now you laugh
That brings me joy
Make sure you wear long sleeves and pants

Chorus: Masochist,
Go on and hurt yourself
'cause when you're happy
I'm happy too
Masochist,
Hurt yourself
And make me smile

verse 2: If they ask
It's not my fault
Just tell them you fell down some stairs
You know I'd never do
Anything to hurt you
That job is yours, it's up to you

Repeat Chorus

Wart and the Time Warp

  Growing up, I was a big fan of Back to the Future, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, Star Wars and the Terminator.  I decided to write a story incorporating characters from all those movies.  I also put myself in the story.  I even stuck in a quote from a Guns n Roses song.  This story spawned several sequels.  Fan fiction at its Lohest.

Wart and the Time Warp

  In the year 2029, there is a big war between the humans and the robots.  After Judgment Day, there is only a handful of humans left.  Cyberdyne leader, Darth Vader, has sent a Terminator to the year 1984, and a T-1000 to the year 1994.
  We, the rebels, have stolen a Terminator to send to 1994 to destroy the T-1000.  We have also sent Kyle Reese, a soldier, to destroy the Terminator in 1984.
  John Connor is worrying about the past.  He has to survive to lead us to victory.  Cyberdyne wants to kill Sarah Connor in 1984, and wants to kill 10-year old John Connor in 1994.
  "We need humans from the past to help us win." says Marty McFly.
  "That's a good idea." say Bill and Ted.
  Doc replies, "We can't risk having a paradox."
  "Yeah, one Doc is enough." says Marty.
  "We can get Arthur from that movie 'Sword in the Stone'." I say.
  "Is he real?" asks Luke Skywalker.
  "I don't know!" I say.
  "We'll have to risk it!" says Marty.
  "How are we going to do it?" asks Doc.
  I say, "Well, you know how he supposedly pulls Excalibur from the stone?  We can rig the stone to bring him here when the sword is removed."
  "It just might work." says John Connor.
  I say, "Doc, Marty, prepare the time machine, we're getting Arthur."
  John says, "Bill, Ted, go in your phone booth and gather up world leaders from the past."
  "Excellent!" say Bill and Ted.
  John sends Luke to spy on Darth Vader at Cyberdyne.  Luke knows Cyberdyne like the back of his hand.
  "You there, who are you!" asks Darth Vader.
  "I am Luke Skywalker." says Luke.
  "Should I terminate him?" asks a Terminator.
  "No!" says Darth Vader.
  "Why are you keeping me alive?" asks Luke.
  "I want to duel with you." says Darth Vader.
  They both start their light sabers.
  "Ben Kenobi has taught you well, Luke." says Darth Vader.
  "How do you know about Ben?" asks Luke.
  "Luke, I am your father." says Darth Vader.
  "No!  That's impossible!" says Luke.
  Darth Vader says, "Deep inside you know it's true."
  I get in the time machine with Doc and Marty.
  Doc says, "We have to fly in that direction to get to 88 mph."
  Marty asks, "We'll hit that wall, won't we?"
  "You're not thinking fourth dimensionally." replies Doc.
  I say, "Come on guys, I don't have all day!"
  We all get in and put our seat belts on.  The car goes on hover mode and we're off to the past.
  "How are we going to rig the stone?" I ask.
  "Boy, where have you been?  We're all ready to go." asks Marty.
  Bill and Ted are in the phone booth but they don't know where to go.
  "Bill, my most stupendous compadre, who do we get?" asks Ted.
  "Well, Ted, my most excellent dude, I haven't the slightest idea." says Bill.
  "How about Ronald Reagan?" asks Ted.
  "Bogus!" says Bill.
  "How about George Washington?" asks Ted.
  "Excellent!" say Bill and Ted.
  The whole group of us in the future sit and wait for Arthur.
  "He should be here right. . .now." says Doc.
  Just as he says that there is a blue flash of light.  Doc isn't startled but John and I are.  Bill and Ted do air guitars which for some reason make sounds.
  "Wow, Merlin, what happened?" asks Arthur.
  "I don't know." says Merlin.
  "I'm scared." says Sir Lancelot, who is only about twelve years old.
  John introduces himself, "Hello Merlin, Arthur, Sir Lancelot, I am John Connor."
  "Why do you call me sir, sir?" asks Lancelot.
  "What should I call you?" asks John.
  "Just Lancelot, sir." says Lancelot.
  Merlin goes and makes friends with Doc.  Arthur and Lancelot make friends with Bill and Ted.  George Washington discusses war plans with John Connor.
  Back at Cyberdyne, Luke and Darth Vader are tired by still dueling.
  Luke says, "You can't be my father; my father's dead.  You killed him."
  Darth Vader says, "Join me and together we can crush the rebels."
  "No, never!" says Luke.
  Just then Darth Vader swings his light saber and cuts off Luke's hand.  Luke jumps out a window and staggers back to base.
  "I'm hurt, bad!" says Luke.
  John says, "Put pressure to stop the bleeding."
  "I have a Terminator hand that I stole from Cyberdyne." says Luke.
  Doc quickly repairs Luke's hand.
  Bill says, "Cool hand Luke, get it?"
  Doc and Luke just ignore Bill.
  "Try to flex it." says Doc.
  Luke flexes the hand effortlessly.
  "Thanks, Doc." says Luke.
  "I also made a new light saber for you." says Doc.
  "Wow, it's green.  I was getting tired of the blue one.  I want a red one like Darth Vader's." says Luke.
  John says, "Color is not important, it's how it works."
  I say, "We have to go defeat Cyberdyne."
  We all march to Cyberdyne.  Two T-1000's turn into Bill and ted and kidnap the real ones.
  "The robot usses are going to kill the gang." says Ted.
  "Yeah, while the real usses are stuck in this garbage disposal." says Bill.
  Suddenly the walls start closing in.
  "Help!  Marty, Paul, John!" says Ted.
  Marty hears the cries for help.
  "I hear you!  I'm sending down my Hoverboard.  Get on it and put it on high."
  "Excellent!"
  When the two are out, Luke destroys the T-1000s with his new green light saber.
  "I see you standing there.  You think you're so cool.  I have set up a time bomb." says Darth Vader.
  Luke swings his light saber and knocks Darth Vader's mask off.  He recognizes the face underneath from pictures of his dad.
  "Dad!  No, I didn't know!  Come on, we have to get out of here!" says Luke.
  "That's Rufus!" say Bill and Ted.
  "Go on Luke, I'll die anyway.  The rest have already left." says Darth Vader.
  "No!  Dad, I won't leave you!" says Luke.
  "Go!  Now!" says Darth Vader.
  Luke runs out of Cyberdyne.
  Boooom!!!
  "We did it!" says John.
  "Excellent!" say Bill and Ted.
  Doc and Marty bring Merlin, Arthur and Lancelot back.  Bill and Ted bring George Washington back.

TV Can Really Kill You

This was the script/screenplay for a movie I made with my friends and sister when I was in middle school.

  Rick Spencer glanced at his clock and noticed that his favorite TV show was in two minutes.  He put down his monster magazine and went downstairs to watch Monster Mania.
  The Mausoleum Keeper came on and introduced the episode of the day, They Came Back.
  Michelle Spencer was in her room reading a book of spells.  She read a spell to take objects out of TV screens.  It read : Come out, come out O thee picture.  Come into our world.  Out of a child came a man, out of the picture came a hand.
  She went down to the TV to try the spell.  "Oh, you're watching that show again?"  A commercial came on.  It was a commercial for preserving endangered species.  There was a snapshot of the rare Northern Appletree horses.  "Aw, he's so cute!"
  She immediately started to flip through her book for the spell.  "What, another spell?  You're crazy.  Do you know how long it took my eyebrows to grow back after your last spell?"
  "It never would have happened if you hadn't tried to blow out the candles.  Here it is.  Come out, come out O thee picture.  Come into our world.  Out of a child came a man, out of the picture came a hand."
  They Came Back started showing again.  the zombie reached out and grabbed Michelle by the throat.  "Quick, read the spell breaker!"
  "Go in, go into the picture.  Please leave our world.  Out of a man came a child, go back into the wild."  The hand went back.  Rick threw in the book.

House of Cards

  This is a song Kayla and I wrote as Chief Loh.  You can hear it at indiependencemusic.net.  There is a link to that website at necrolepsy.blogspot.com.

House of Cards

Chorus: Here, in the house made of cards is my heart
(I kept myself from feeling)
With a life full of scars I am hurt
(I kept my heart from healing)
Lift me up
(Lift me up)
Words are their weapon of choice and they cut
(Your hands are heavy on me)
Like a blade they can only bring blood
(You've left your mark upon me)
Give me love
(Give me love)

Verse 1: Wouldn't you like to believe you could
find an escape or a place to stay?
Would it be nice to be safe and be out of harm's way?
Could it be something they said to you?
Made you believe you weren't anything
Made you a puppet
Their money was pulling your strings

Repeat Chorus

Verse 2: Did you believe they were giving you
something you could give to everyone?
Was it a sacrifice or was it dollars and cents?
Now with a different point of view
Would you believe in just anyone?
In your opinion should everyone make it make sense?

Repeat Verse 2

Repeat Chorus
(Couldn't believe that I trusted you)

Scar Chasm

  This is a song I wrote while I was in Shadow Puppets.  I had just left the church I had been in for seven years and I had just broken up with my girlfriend.  There was some country song I heard that said, "Faith hope and love are some good things he (God) gave us, but the greatest is love."  That song gave me the idea for the lyrics to my song.

Scar Chasm

(Spoken) Faith, hope and love

Verse 1: Faith is the leash that I gnawed with my teeth
as I clawed my way back from the stain of insanity
I'm broken!
Ashes to ashes to ashes to ashes to dust

Chorus: Give me a pill, give me a pill
so I won't kill you
Give me an ear, a shoulder to cry on
so I won't kill myself
Scar chasm

Verse 2: Hope is a word that I use just to keep from
scratching my eyes out, succumbing to gravity
What tomorrow holds can be a blessing
or a tragedy

Repeat Chorus

Verse 3: Love, Oh God, I wanted someone
I reached out my hand and felt the menace
of a soul who knows not how to trust
Revoked my right to make my feelings known

Repeat Chorus

Humankind

  Here's a poem I wrote in high school.  As you can tell, I was listening to a lot of Carcass back then.  It's from them that I got my love for big words.

Humankind

We wander 'round, lugubrious
Travellers on this road called life
Our minds are insalubrious
Beams of darkness pierce the light
Thoughts of hate inside have festered
Tried to keep our feelings in
In our hearts they are sequestered
See-through acts, our veils are thin
Today, product of yesterday,
Brings pain from past mistakes we've made
Hollow conflicts here have started
Battles drag 'till long of days
Remembered pasts we'd never lived
Now looking back we never laugh
Grasping by the skin of teeth
To nothing (there is nothing left)
Beauty is as beauty does,
But not with us (too much work done)
Ever and anon we tread upon
The path, then off we run
Heavy burdens we must carry
Brown our skin, so tanned with sun
Our today is full of sorrow
And tomorrow never comes

The Dance

  I wrote this in college for a poetry class.  It was funny because I read it out loud to the class, and you could see one by one as my classmates understood the true meaning of the poem.  One girl had to excuse herself to the restroom because she almost threw up.  She smacked me on the back of the head when she came back.

The Dance

Nervous was I
until I gathered the nerve
to stand up
and leave my chair behind
Now I'm dancing
there I go
My arms this way and that
My legs go down and up
with this new freedom that I have
Out of breath I settle down
at the end of my rope
until I'm found

Tootsie Pop, Blow Pop or Dum Dum?

  This was just a random thought I wrote down some time during my college years.

  One of my problems is also something that can be used as a strength.  I have a fast moving mind and I'm not afraid to speak it.  I usually end up sating the first thing that comes to my head and that's not always the best thing to do.  I'm never sure if I'm being shallow or deep.
  All my friends who have known me for some time know that you can't always just take what I say literally.  You can get one meaning from that, but if you think about it, I'm really saying something else completely.
  It's like a lollipop.  You can take what's on the outside for all it's worth, but sometimes there's something hidden in the middle.  Sometimes, like a Blow Pop, you get to the middle and it's sweet and you can chew on it for a little while.  Sometimes, like a Tootsie Pop, you get to the middle and it's sweet, but you only chew it up and swallow it.  Sometimes, like a Dum Dum, you get to the middle and all you're left with is a soggy stick which you throw away.
  When I'm getting deep where there's something sweet in the middle, there are only a few different flavors on the outside.  Like Tootsie Pops or Blow Pops, the real treat is in the middle, so there is limited selection of assorted flavors.
  When I'm not being deep, I say all kinds of things.  Like a Dum Dum, since all you have is the flavor you start with, there are many different flavors to choose from, but you probably won't like all of them.
  The point is, no matter what, you suck.

The Land of the Sodas

  I have no idea when I wrote this, but it was probably in the late 80's or early 90's.  I was in elementary school and we had just read Gulliver's Travels.  We had to come up with some further adventures for Gulliver to experience and write our ideas down as stories.  I got an A and the teacher said that the story was "Very, very clever!"  Here it is, warts and all.

The Land of the Sodas

  Gulliver comes to an island he'd never seen before.  A small group of soda cans comes up to him.
  "We are the Cokes.  We welcome you to the Island of the Sodas."
  "I guess nothing comes to me as a surprise anymore."
  "What did you say?"
  "Oh, nothing.  It's a long story."
  "OK.  Please make yourself comfortable, Mr..."
  "Gulliver."
  "Mr. Gulliver.  Oh, I'm going to have to ask you to remove your blue hankerchief.  Blue is Pepsi's color code and you are on Coke territory.  Red is our color."
  "There are Pepsis here too?"
  "There are many different races of soda beings on this island.  Pepsi and Coke are the Dark sodas.  The Clear sodas, Sprite and 7up, live on the other side of the island.  There are the Mountain Dews.  They make the best cars and electronics.  Cherry sodas used to roam the land, but now only a few are left."
  "What's that over there?"
  "That's the Great Mother Soda Machine.  We all come from her."
  "What's all the noise?"
  "We are at war now.  It's the Darks vs. the Clears."
  Suddenly a Coke can comes screaming.
  "I've been hit!  I'm bleeding badly.  I can't stand the sight of Coke.  I'm going flat, I can feel it.  My hands are sticky with Sprite.  At least I know my death is not meaningless."
  "There goes a hero.  May his carbonation rest in peace.  Now he will find true happiness with the Recycler up stairs."
  A messenger comes.
  "Here's a message from the Clears.  They want to know who the giant is."
  "Hey, Gulliver, what are you going to do about the Clears?"
  An angry soldier yells, "This giant should kill them all!"
  "Now that would be downright un-cola.  We're not soda-thirsty vampires like Dracola.  We're civilized soda beings."
  Gulliver gets an idea.
  "Hey, I have an idea.  I want to stay neutral in this.  I'd like to have a chance to talk to both sides at once."
  "We'll arrange that for you."
  Gulliver sits in the middle of the island while both sides listen to him.
  "I've called you together so that I can peacefully talk to you.  Please, put your can openers down and listen to me.  You must see past your differences and see past your colors.  You all came from the same soda machine and will eventually go to the Recycler up stairs.  You are all unique in your own ways, but you are all soda beings.  You should treat each other equally.  I have here, in my pocket, a can of Crystal Pepsi.  It's clear, but it's Pepsi."
  The crowd was awe struck.
  "How can we have been so blind for all these years?"
  The whole island unites and everyone is happy.  Gulliver has done all that he can here.  He goes on with his travels.  Where will he end up next?
 

My Name's Not Brian

  This is a dialog I wrote back when I was in college.  I wrote it for a Screenwriting class in which I got to see it acted out by actors who were in the class as well.

1: Hi, Brian.
2: My names' not Brian.
1: Neither's mine.  Good day.
2: Wait a minute, you just gonna leave me with that?
1: Well, if neither of us is named Brian, then we obviously don't have much in common.  What would we possibly have to talk about?
2: Even if my name was Brian, yours isn't so what would we have in common?
1: We wouldn't.  And I don't talk to strangers.  Good day.
2: Even if both of us were named Brian, we're still strangers.
1: But then we'd have something in common.
2: And...
1: And we'd have something to talk about.
2: So...
1: So after talking a while we wouldn't be strangers anymore.
2: But you and I have been standing here talking to each other for the last five minutes.  Are we still strangers?
1: No.
2: Well then, nice to meet you.  My name's Kurt.
1: So's mine.  Good day.